they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
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After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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