yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
