Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
