idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
