Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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