id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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