We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
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I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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