Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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