You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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