omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Randomize
