think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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