He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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