Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
