Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
