imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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