I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
