Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
honey bunches of taint.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
