All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's just so happy...and so naked.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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