Apparently you make a good broom.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
