someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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