It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
