She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
how do flat chested girls get laid?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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