I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
