Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
