so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
