She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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