She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
