I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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