Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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