she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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