a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
