some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
