I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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