i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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