You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He has the fingertips of a God
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize