We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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