the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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