No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
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