You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
