my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
