I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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