I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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