i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My liver just had a heart attack.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
