he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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