There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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