Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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