you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
