Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
