im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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