They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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