hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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