GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
