well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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