Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
