He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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