so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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