There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
