New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
where are my eyebrows?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
