am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
