So drunk its hurt
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
