My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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