Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
