put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Green mimosas i think yes
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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