Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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