True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
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Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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