when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
