She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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