Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
