i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
