I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
