dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
