Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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