Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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