I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
