you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What a dumb baby whore.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
