bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
