ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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