I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize