My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
