It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
